Q. I live in the city and I am 20 years. My condition at home is not pleasant all the time. I and my mother have quarrels all the time and she claims that I do not understand her at all. Actually she loves me a lot and expects me to reciprocate her feelings with the same intensity. The problem is my mother I and my little sister stay in the city and my dad because of a transferrable job has to stay in another city but he visits every Sunday. So because of all this she does not get a lot of emotional support from anybody. I love her but almost all the time I am lost in my own world and absent-minded. I’m not active. One year back I broke-up with my boyfriend and I loved him so much but after the separation I’ve shut myself completely and I don’t know how to come out of it. I’m always cranky and rough with my little sister, I don’t like talking to anybody or making new friends. In college also I stay dejected and strangely I love to stay alone but thoughts like I’m useless and not worthy pop in my mind all the time. Sometimes I even think my living is not worth it. I don’t know how to keep myself together. To speak the truth I’m tired of caring for others and hiding my tears behind forced smiles. Please help me. I’m not allowed to go out of the house much so I cannot visit you. Now tell me what should I do?
Ans. You are going through period of healing from a personal trauma- a break up from your boyfriend. Since that episode is now almost a year old it’s time you got out of it and started living with enthusiasm. Any bad experience should not affect you so much that lose interest in life and become depressed for so long a period. Make new friends and get social. At the same time you must help your mother in household tasks. Yes, it’s tough for a mother when she has to handle two children alone with the father living out station. Single parenting is a stressful task. Take the responsibility of small daily tasks that you can manage easily and relive your mother of it. Encourage her to socialise and to go out with her friends and live a nice life. The three of you together can manage well if you discipline yourselves and remain positive and cheerful about life.
Q. I am 27 years old. Due to some family problems I was unable to complete my studies but I am continuing with it. How should I manage with the situation?
Ans. You have not mentioned anything about the situations that you find difficult to handle. Please continue with your studies and try and complete them at a pace that is fairly comfortable. There is no need to rush through anything. You must be working I guess, so along with your work, which should be your first priority, you could complete your studies in stages. Slowly and patiently you can do it in lots. The educational system allows a lot of flexibility for private students in appearing for exams and you should take the benefit of whatever is available. But do not leave your studies- they are important for you.
Q. I am a 15 years old guy pursuing 10th standard. My problem is that I feel shy interacting with girls and don’t even dare to talk to them which is making me an asocial animal. I am good at studies but when it comes to communicating with girls I start behaving like an irresponsible idiot. Please help me to take me out of this problem.
Ans. Shyness with the opposite gender is a common enough phenomenon. It should be just a small phase in your life which will pass. You should be getting out of it soon. Think about them as normal human beings with normal emotions. The only difference being is your behaviour and attitude towards them as you grow up. Maintain a safe physical distance from them, avoid touching them physically and speak a decent language without abuses. You may be very free with boys but with girls you may have to be a bit cautious lest they misunderstand you. Avoid personal talks and stick to talks about studies and school and future goals. Otherwise be friendly and nice to them. Smile and say hello to them. With most schools and colleges being co-educational in nature healthy inter-mixing with girls is important.
Published in The Hitavada – Emotions for 12 June 2011