Q. 5 years back, my best friend told me she had feelings for me but I turned her down. I was unprepared, unsure and scared. Soon after, she started dating another guy. We still were best friends until I realised that I really loved her and more than 3 years after she started dating, I told her. She didn’t resist anything I told her. The rate of our calling increased and we also met once. That’s when we realised it was too hard to not cross the line of friendship. Later on her boyfriend’s demand, she broke all contact with me. I don’t know about her, but I still remain unsettled. I don’t know why she became so detached when she was all into me!
A. I can see only 3 reasons as to why she reacted the way she did. 1) She has not got over you fully and saw hope in you when you confessed your feelings 2) Her past stood in front of her; giving her greater power this time and she wanted to prove it 3) She got carried away in your expression of love and could not resist the pull it had. If she has not had any correspondence with you then you must rethink the 1st reason. Even if she has made this choice on coercion it only means she would rather listen to her boyfriend than remain your friend. What is happening in her life cannot keep bothering you as you are absolutely helpless. You need to stop blaming yourself for her problems as it’s not for you to feel guilty here. I understand yours is a great loss as you not only lost a potential partner but also a good friend, but you need to accept – whatever the reason may be (right or wrong) she isn’t welcoming your presence in her life. I am sorry, you need to move on.
Q. I am in dating for 1 year now and am happy with him. We have stood strong across hard times but now difficulties have increased. He recently got a job and has become very busy. In spite of strict restrictions at home when I manage to call him he is always busy! He doesn’t have time for me and this irritates and disappoints me. I keep waiting for his text and calls all day! This addiction is affecting both my career and my relationship. Kindly answer soon.
Ans. Well, one of the virtues of a good personality is patience and tolerance of frustration. Another important virtue is the ability to ‘understand the perspective from his side and his consequent behaviour’. Romantic times don’t last forever as you get on with work and real life. You cannot have your way all the time and your boyfriend must work hard to make a career. If you love him allow him enough freedom to set his priorities and work through them. If he wants you to understand him and his work, then do just that. If it gets beyond your patience and liking tell him just that in polite terms. Also tell him that you are trying but it’s difficult and stressful. As you rightfully call it an addiction you will have to de-addict yourself and be more realistic with your expectations! Be brave and sensible.
Q. I am in 12 Std and doing science with PCM. Lately I have come to the conclusion that I do not like my coaching for the engineering entrance exams and would like to drop this course of study. I would like to do something more creative than engineering but how should I convince my parents and what should be my choices. I am totally confused about my future and it worries me a lot. I am afraid of losing my marks in 12 Std too. My parents do not understand my problem and may not support me with my ideas. Please help me in some way with good suggestions and tips.
Ans. This is what happens when proper planning is not done at the 10th Std level. Some hurried decisions are taken which actually do not suit you and your personality. However do not despair and stop worrying as there are lots of choices and scope for changing your career path after completion of 12th Std. A session of career guidance with you and your parents would help explore the possibilities of newer options open to you according to your aptitude, interests, your personality factors, family background and the financial resources. Accordingly, you might start preparing for the entrance exams for those courses right now. To begin with please concentrate on your 12th board exams and do well in them. I am sure your parents will understand in spite of their disappointments. All the best!