Q. I am a student of class 12. I thought of consulting you because I am suffering through one of my greatest hardships of life at this crucial stage of mine. My problem is-Only half a year for my board exams, I find it difficult to complete my course because of not having a strong foundation in classes 9, 10 and 11. This is also affecting my performance in entrance exams as I am not at all prepared in any way. It’s too late for me to recognize that I am lagging behind; but even then, I tried numerous ways to cover up and improve my concepts: I took help of scholarly notes, internet, tuition classes etc. But in no way I was able to achieve success. I don’t receive good pattern of education in my current tuition classes, which would make my weak and stubborn mind understand. Should I take a year drop? Or is there any other option? Moreover, my astrologer has told me that it would be a hard time for me till November 2014. But it would be too late then as I would not be able to take any decision regarding my future options (if I don’t improve by that time). I would have to take crucial decisions on admitting to new tuition classes (if I wish to take a year drop). The astrologer told that I have ‘shani sadhe-saati and Rahu’ and ‘Ketu antardashaas’, due to which there are so subtle changes in my behavior. Earlier, I used be sincere and regular in studies, but now I find it as a burden, from whose load I would never be freed. The last year has changed my attitude and behavior thoroughly. I cannot control my urge for parties and our religious festivals; and hence find it difficult to sacrifice them for the sake of my studies. What to do or what not to do? This seems to be the greatest question for me. Due to all these, my parents also began remaining tensed as all their desires as dependent upon me. Please suggest me an appropriate way out; as I am in need of your urgent help.
Ans. A few sessions of counseling will help you analyze the reasons for the change in your behavior and your performance. You mention that there is a change in your attitude and that you find studies burdensome and are not sincere as you were earlier. You also mention excessive partying and celebrating religious festivals. This would need probing your mind and understanding the underlying issues. If you feel the training at the tuitions was inadequate and you do not feel prepared enough then an option would be to take a drop and repeat the year of 12th. But before we arrive at any decision you should come for a few sessions as soon as possible.
Q. I am in 11th standard and I am preparing for medical entrance. My parents are always fighting; my dad is always abusing my mom and insulting her because of which I get disturbed. Also my grandma shouts at my mother for trivial things. They are all educated still behave like this. There are fights at my house every fortnight or rather every week and this affects me. What should I do so that I don’t get mental stress due to this and can concentrate on my studies?
Ans. Generally children should not get into adult conflicts and problems even though it affects you badly. You should try to detach yourself from the scene whenever it happens and put your mind to study for your future lies there. Practice hard whatever you are studying and learn to detach yourself from adult problems. If you can you could tell your father that they should not fight when you are there because it is affecting your studies. If you are afraid of him tell your mother or granny. Alternately you could join a reading library and take your books to study in the library and come home for eating and sleeping only. It is unfortunate that your family members should behave in such aggressive manner and create unrest at home. You could also request for a hostel facility in 12th Std. I hope your mom is able to protect herself sufficiently well so that you can drop your anxieties about her safety and let them fight it out. In such situations you should not take sides and be neutral. If your mother’s health and life is in danger then we will have to think about another solution. Try taking help from the extended family members in such a situation.