“Personality disorders are difficult to handle”- 10 March 2013
Sameer.
Q. I am married man and recently got married through arranged match. After 4 months my wife and me started fighting and we always quarrel for silly things. She is very immature and acts like a child/kid. She will not do house work with interest. She will keep sleeping many times in day time and not cook food for me. She will not care for house and also me. She does not want to seek job too whereas she is very qualified and intelligent. I tell her many times to look for job and she will say that you find me job and I will go to work. What should I do mam? She is sweet to my parents and does not fight with them. My parents think she is nice girl and I feel she does not love me and is not happy. She wants to go to her home but her parents ask her to stay here with me. I cannot understand her problem and I am totally confused. Please guide me. I stay nearby Raipur.
Ans. Your wife seems to have a problem with her personality. It seems like a disorder as you describe it. She is immature and irresponsible with her domestic duties. If she is sleeping too much she might also be depressed. It would be advisable to consult a psychologist as fast as possible since you are just married and the problems have begun already. You must give your situation a very serious thought and take a decision. Your parents may be happy as she is submissive with them and does not fight. That is a good thing but you have an entire life to live. Find out the details of her background, whether she had some sort of illness or unhealthy traits before marriage and also whether she was ready for the marriage or she was forced. There could be some truths that her family is hiding and not disclosing. They may deny any problem but try and find out from other sources. Do not delay.
H.C
Q. I am a 12th science student. These days my board examinations are going on. My problem is that whenever I sit to study, I am not able to concentrate properly. The reason behind this may be my lack of interest towards these subjects. I dream of making my name in some other field(glamour world) which my parents won’t allow. I talked to them about it but they said that it doesn’t matter what I wish, they want to see me become a doctor only, nothing else. From that day onwards I am really confused and worried about my future. I know my capabilities and I am confident too that if I am given a green signal to whatever I wish I will definitely achieve success. I don’t want to compromise with my future. These days whenever my parents see me sitting free for sometime from studies they start pressurizing me that I have to bring good marks otherwise there will be problem like, I will be useless and they can’t teach me in a private college. These parental pressures discourage me a lot and I fear of failure and sometimes think of ending my life. Please help me getting out of this.
Ans. Since you are in 12std and your exams are going on you should focus only on the present. By thinking of the future you are unnecessarily disturbing your peace of mind. You will have to clear your 12th anyway for getting into college. Whatever line you may choose you have to complete your present exam well. It would be foolish of you to allow yourself to get disturbed and spoil your exams. Worrying will not help at all- you may have to take up a tough struggle with your parents for the career you want but all that will be after 12th. Do not allow your emotions to hijack your intelligence and ruin your results. That will not tell well about you and your efforts will go waste. Whether you get high marks or average marks it is important to apply your total mind to what you are doing and get the results according to your capabilities. After the exams your next step would be to plan your career. You should request your parents for career guidance and counselling and let us together take the best possible option for you. We could try convincing them too. For the moment calm your mind, pray for the best and give it your best shot. All the best.
