“Personality disorders need psychological treatment”- 31 March 2013


Q. My elder brother had a love marriage with a girl two years back and from 2 years our family is witnessing a havoc. I guess she has some personality disorder. She keeps on crying over silly reasons. She influences my brother against me and my mother but on our face she portrays to be very sweet. Initially we also thought she was nice but now it is clear. She can fight with us on very silly issues like TV, food, cooking and what not. She is never willing to do the house hold course. Her room seems to be a dump yard! She does not co-operate with my mother. If we try to make her understand anything she goes to her mother’s place. And her best weapon is crying. Because of all this my brother gets highly influenced by her and talks to my parents very rudely. When offered to separate (as the house we live in belongs to my parents) they did not accept it. She interferes too much in my life. My parents are thinking to send me to a hostel! I am a std 12th student and it is disturbing me very much. My parents are being insulted on a regular basis. Please suggest me a way out.
Ans. You are right about your brother’s wife having a personality disorder/ psychological problem which needs professional handling. In this case your parents need to be bold and assertive and ask him to find an alternative place to stay. You should stay at home and concentrate on your studies and let your brother find a home to stay. That way all will be well. As you write that your parents are instead asking you to leave for a hostel as your brother is not agreeing to move out. Under the circumstances that could be a temporary solution to your problems and you could be peaceful till exams if you move. Then you could come back and your brother might hopefully move out by then. It would be advisable not to get entangled in family affairs and focus entirely on studies. Let your parents handle the matters. You should remain neutral.


Q. My problem is as I feel just like love from my 8th std for a girl she was also attracted toward me. But we never talk when she give me chance I try it- response was not better from her. My feelings are still same for her I search her everywhere. I want to fill her every time I don’t remember a single movement of my past 6 years that I not miss her. When I study I feel I will get her after completing my study but I am confused- will be I? I want to become scientist but its hard to leave her. What should I do? I don’t want to lose her. Where I go and do to come out from my problem.

Ans. You could send her some messages through friends and family if possible that you are serious about her and would like to marry her. You can be a scientist and marry her too. There is no problem there unless she is in a hurry to get settled and therefore will not wait for you. If she is attracted too and feels the same way about you then she should be willing to wait for you and your career. Instead of worrying about it do something about it and get it sorted in your mind. If she declines your offer then forget her and get into studies totally. If she is noncommittal then you have a bigger problem on hand! One thing at a time- first make a move and take the first step towards her.


Q. Actually I’ve joined a famous and best coaching classes for IIT-JEE- it’s been a year I’ve been there and now it’s 12th and 2nd session has started. Last year I hardly studied in 11th..!! But I was a brilliant student in 10th.!! Now I don’t know what has happened to me..!! I don’t have interest in studying..! Somehow I studied in 11th– I didn’t score good ranks in that coaching nor in my college..!!

Ans. That is like a bad student actually- you have allowed your studies to slip out of your hands in spite of being a brilliant student and now have to suffer a huge backlog. This backlog creates a tension in your mind when you think of all the chapters you have to handle. Now one way is to shortlist the chapters that are important and be selective about your studies. It is time to be practical and totally exam oriented. You need not do the entire syllabus. The second aspect is to devote all the time on hand to studies,- forget TV, friends, mobile and all that. Eat, sleep and study should be your motto and single point program for the remaining months. If you are intelligent and have a sharp mind for the subjects you have taken up in 12th I am sure you can do it. There is ample time still till next year exams –think positive, keep your moods in control, be practical, keep your motivation high and concentrate only on studies. There is no reason why you should not do well.

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