Q. I am a college student. I am in a relationship from the past few years. My problem is that my boyfriend always fights with me and he doubts me for everything. My boyfriend had many affairs in the past. I was aware of it but whenever we fight he starts taking his ex-girl friends names which hurts me a lot. I have tried to make him understand that it hurts me but still he takes their names. I am really disturbed because of this. Now it is disturbing my studies also. Before this I have lost my year because of all these problems and I don’t want to spoil my future. Please help me as I don’t have anyone to share my problems. I can’t leave him because he says he cannot live without me. I also love him seriously I have never got involved in any such things before. Should I breakup or should I make up my mind as he is also serious about me. Please help me.
Ans. Your friend seems to have a psychological disorder. He has had many affairs in the past and he doubts you instead! He is self centred and has distorted perceptions and cognitions. He would need psychological treatment and needs to become normal before you think of a long term relationship with him. Love is a good emotion but love is not enough to live. If you think practically a disorder such as this could make your life miserable. Daily living with such a disordered personality becomes a difficult proposition. So you have two choices, one is to treat him first and then take a decision. The second is to discontinue the friendship.
Q. My problem is that my brother is very laid back in his attitude. He does not feel like/want to co-operate in the family chores, wants to do things at his own convenience. He helps very reluctantly only after pleading several times or only after an issue is created over it. This has become a repeated feature and now even leads to a physical fight. This is affecting the health of elders in the family. He has become barky in his talks and doesn’t talk to us without abuses. However, he is polite to others and very social too. When told to do things for his own good like studying and all, he creates a nuisance. He hides what he’s up to and does not even want to discuss about his future. He thinks we are sidelining him. All have lost hope but I’m hanging on that little ray of hope that something could be and should be done to bring things on track before it’s too late. Please help me.
Ans. Yes, something can be done with psychological evaluation and therapy. There could be many reasons for the behaviour of your brother. We need to investigate the reason/s behind it. There could be a primary reason and then secondary reasons for such behaviour. I need more data on your brother to arrive at a conclusion. If he does not agree to come for counselling then a family member could come and discuss the issue in detail. That can help in helping the family understand him and his problem in a better manner.
Q. I am in a serious problem. My mind is totally getting off, it’s about my parents relationship. My father continues to have relations outside marriage. He is sharp and plays games, he do things and pretend like he has done nothing. This situation is getting worst day by day, my parents keep fighting with each other at every minute, peace of family is vanished, sometimes they abuse each other also. The same time my mother don’t want to listen anything, her mind has become out, controversies between them has increased a lot. She don’t want to leave my father and at the same time they keep fighting like anything. Our home is getting very disturbed with this all. Kindly suggest what can I do to take out them from this all. My mother doesn’t want to trust him anymore. Please help me out of this, what should I do?
Ans. Well, you do not have a choice to control anything about your parents’ life. Let them live the way they choose to. Your mother has chosen to live with him in spite of his bad habits. That is her problem. You should not take sides and not interfere with them. Try to keep your mind calm and engage yourself in creative activities, your studies, your friends and other things. Be away from all adult hassles. That is the best advice for you.