I keep dreaming about anything and everything. I dont find anything real interesting. This has dented my education, confidence and progress. I want to live each moment. I either keep dreaming about the past or the future. Past: I keep wishing that I stood up for myself on instances that I kept quit. Future: I dont find anything which is real interesting. So I start setting unrealistic targets, then getting depressed about not achieving them. And again the past-future-past vicious circle starts. This has made me a loner as conversations get difficult. I am a CA final student and I want to set realistic goals and stop this vicious cycle.
Ans. Dreaming has many reasons. Day dreaming is a type of escapism from reality. That happens when you are introverted, submissive and unable to handle the difficult situations effectively. You need to focus and clearly cite your priorities in the present. Also, it is important to know and believe that the past is over, and we have no power over it. Once you understand that neither the past nor the future is under our control, you should just let go. Our brooding over the past or worrying about the future will not lead us anywhere, instead we ought to channelise our energies to the present and make this day memorable. You are an intelligent and capable person, avoid indulging in self-pity. Also, weigh your strengths and weaknesses rationally so that your targets are realistic. Seeing realistic dreams will help you. And like you mentioned, you can come for counselling anytime.
Q. I’ve been a good student throughout with good marks in all subjects. However, my grade has been falling down. I find it difficult to concentrate. I’m not able to perform in the accordance of my aptitude. I find myself more interested in animated TV shows, writing stories and drawing. My parents want me to study hard and go to IIT. I want to become an IITian for them but, I want to be a graphic designer. I feel a passion toward animations. I have discussed about being a graphic designer to my parents and they do agree but they insist on finishing IIT first. They say I can become anything I want to be, let it be a singer, actress, athlete or writer. But in any case, IIT should be my first priority. I need to act soo, please help.
Ans. One must follow their dreams. Talent is never wasted, and passion is what keeps us determined to go on. You are a bright student and animation requires the right balance between creativity and intelligence. In this case doing engineering at IIT will be a waste of 4 years because you don’t require that knowledge in graphic designing. But we would need to convince your parents about your choice and one way would be to come for an attitude tests as well as career counselling. Parents have certain insight into your personality and they may have their own reasons to tell you to pursue IIT. I would be tempted to say that follow your heart because ultimately it is passion that will keep you going throughout life making work also extremely fun. But without being hasty about it lets think more seriously about it. It is a difficult to decision to make and requires more thought and assessment of your personality and aptitude.
Q. I was diagnosed with a clot in my head (CVT). Slightest stress aggravates headache and anger. I have disowned my parents. My mother was the sole bread-earner. She is schizophrenic and extremely aggressive. I had to bear all her outbursts and my brother’s dominance. I came to Bangalore to study higher but they called me back mid-term for household work. I pursued my studies via correspondence, tolerated beatings and starvation. I am married now and my mother-in law and sister-in-law are mental patients. My brother-in-law also is under medication and acts weirdly. We were not given share in the ancestral property. I have lost hope in life and breakdown everyday. I also have sjogren’s syndrome and rheumatoid arthritis. Please guide us.
Ans. This is really unfortunate that you have so many medical complications all together. Your priority should be your own health and your marriage. The rest of the issues should be secondary and of course your sad past should be buried deep into your heart. It happens that mental illness runs in the family but I wonder why you got married into one with mental illness too. This is rather strange. Please join meditation classes and build up your mental strength and develop your personality. Many tough situations can be faced if we maintain a mental balance within ourselves and maintain a peaceful attitude. By taking stress you will only develop further physical illnesses and trouble yourself. It is difficult to handle mental patients anyway but your peaceful mind will help you in handling the stress. We lack in day care facilities and half way home for the mentally ill.