Q. I’m a 19 years old girl. I sleep at around four, wake-up at around 10-11 am. I can understand why my parents want me to wake-up early. That’s why they dislike my habit to some extent. I work part time from home and earn very little, but I’m satisfied. I wanted to prove everyone in my family that I can earn too. But then, when I told them about my job, my father just told me that it doesn’t matter and that I should do household chores. He doesn’t even pay attention to what I’m doing. Although, he was the one who said that he would listen to me when I’ll start earning. Other times, when I give any suggestion or ask them what they are talking about, they just ignore me as if I’m not even there. It was never like this before. I don’t know what changed. Maybe it’s my fault that I’m not fulfilling their expectations. Most of the time they give what I ask for, if it’s not bad. But I really don’t want that. I just want them to pay attention to me. Just to make me feel that I’m not getting neglected. But I don’t think they will. What did I do wrong? Will you please help me?
Ans. Parent who are disciplined and lead well regulated lives, expect children to follow the norms. Your sleep pattern must be a source of irritation and anger with them. They must be frustrated with your habits. If you work online from home late hours and if that is the requirement of your work, then you must explain it to them that it is a necessity for you to sleep late and wake up late. If you have actually spoilt your habits for no justification whatsoever then you may like to change your habit. Secondly, I hope you are contributing to household chores? If not then you should start doing your bit with the suggestions from your mother- ask her how you can help in small ways and begin being responsible. When your father asks you to do household chores he means it and actually it is absolutely necessary for everyone to do their bit in maintaining the home-whether boy or girl. You are still a student and I hope you are pursuing your studies along with your earning money. Earning some money for yourself is a small goal and your father may be worried that you should not feel too happy and satisfied with it. You may find out from your parents as to what is bothering them. Do not worry. Get a little more organised and all will be well.
Q. I need advice for my Father. He is suffering from heart problems since few years. Now he has become more sick in the mind. He is well and happy and the doctor says that he is perfectly okay. But he refuses to believe the doctor and the family. He does not want to go out of the home and feels he will get another attack and he will die. All the time he is fearing his death and we are also feeling scared. My mother also is stressed out because of him. Please advise us. We told the doctor but he says it is psychological. What does that mean? Will he ever be okay and normal?
Ans. Yes, this happens to some people and if not taken care of may become chronic. Get him some sessions of counselling and all will be normal soon. Patients who keep relieving the memories of the heart attack and the trauma that followed, may get into a cycle of anxiety and fear that they are unable to break. These anxiety disorders can be sparked off with major illnesses and actually the rehabilitation period after the illness has to be taken equally seriously for the patient to get back to normalcy. It is not a natural process but a gradual process of springing back to normalcy. The patients with weak minds and prone to fear and anxiety may take longer and give up. There are multiple factors that play in the minds of the sick person and that needs to be addressed. Too much care-taking and pampering, too much anxiety about his diet and subsequent attacks by your mother and other family members, might want him to continue in the ‘sick’ role and encourage him to stay there. Allow him to be normal and live a normal routine, and encourage him to do his own work, and don’t talk about the past illness much. Please bring him for a few sessions- we will re-educate him.