“Relationships can be addictive”- 18 November 2012


Q. I am a 2nd year engineering student from Amravati. I have a serious confusion. There is a girl whom I know from 10 years and she is my best friend. She lives in my building. We don’t get chance to talk face to face so we chat on mobile for long period. We chat a lot and we share everything from friends to family, actually she herself sms me from 6 am and then it goes till 1 or 2 pm midnight non-stop with doing every work, chatting also and doing work also. She is a home loving and also college rocking girl having all qualities. In chatting I see many good qualities in her that always attract me to her and also I always like her eyes from childhood. When sometimes there is no message from her I don’t feel good at all. I feel like missing a very big thing, can’t bear that time without her contact. When there was ban on sms in between because of Assam issue, she sent all 5 messages daily to me only. When she talk about any other boy I feel jealousy. Conclusion is that I am not able to live without her because now-days she has reduced her mobile use less now and she never meet outside. This has created a problem to me now. Is this love? Or anything else? Please tell me and suggest me a solution of this its affecting me everywhere.

Ans. Relationships are addictive in one way and can create a state of dependency. One has to be careful before getting hooked to people. Getting too close too fast and building fantasies about each other is always detrimental to good mental health. Staying away and being cool with relationships is best. Of course you know each other for a long time of 10 years and shared your life with her on phone. But she may have some reasons for reducing her messages. Ask her the reasons and listen to her carefully. Also agree to comply with her requests. If she wants to reduce the level of friendship you will have to comply with it. Find other alternatives to fill in the gap of loneliness. Sports, games or cultivating other (boy) friends will be helpful. Focusing on studies and career building will yield better results for you. If she is devoted to you she will come back.


Q. I am very restless and impatient. My work is going down. I had capacity to work long time but now I get tired and feel very sleepy. In office too I feel tired and bored. My boss keeps shouting all the time and bothering my head. My wife not understand my problem. She blames me and says I am lazy and good for nothing. I don’t know what to do and how to handle this mind which is always restless. Do I need medical help? Am I going mad?

Ans. You may be having depression and some stress in your work and personal life. As you report that your capacity to work is declining and you begin to feel tired and sleepy soon, these are signs of depression. Psychological counselling and psychotherapy will help you identify your problem and help you treat the condition without any medical intervention. It would be helpful to explain to your wife the nature of your problem so that she can act as a support to you. Meantime indulge in physical activities that interest you such sports and games and also learn to think in positive ways. Be positive that all will be well and that you can get back your normal health.


Q. I feel like suicide as my girlfriend left me some time last month and I cannot live without her. I was really love her very much and we were fighting too but made up soon. She was very angry with me for some reason  and left me saying all bad things to me. I am very sad and upset with her behaviour and want to not live now like this. What should I do? I tried talking to her but she says no and cut off her mobile phone. She will run away she says to me.

Ans. Cool down your anxiety and your anger first. Learn to keep your mind quiet and calm. The world will not end with one person going out of your life. You must be having parents and siblings and other friends too. Engage with them and spend enough time with them. Introspect the reasons for the conflict and also analyse your contribution to the problem. If you are guilty apologise to her and seek her forgiveness. Counselling and therapy will help in such matters.

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