Q. It seems my friend is involved with some person who is above 50 years in age. She is just 19. He comes to her home regularly. He is married. She often goes with him for long drives. Her parents believe him blindly. She passed her 12th standard with 53%. She scored 92.8% in 10th standard. She aims to take medical field. She lost her year because of this person. Now, she wants to take a drop and repeat her medical entrance exam. She is constantly on phone and doesn’t want to listen to anybody. I am worried she might lose her this year also. Is her life in danger? Please help.
Ans. Yes, she is in danger of damaging her mind, body and soul and curse be on the old man who is exploiting her. If she is young and foolish he seems to be an unscrupulous fellow who is bothered only about his needs. There are many stories of mid-age adults abusing /seducing young girls either at home, in tuition classes or in institutions and leaving them traumatised. Parents should be alert to non verbal signals and pay more attention to their children. Her parents need to be informed about it, he needs to be thrown out of their house permanently and she needs to be counselled to go back to studies. The situation needs to be handled on an urgent basis.
Q. My elder brother is obsessed with his looks. He is 42 years old. He usually asks that, is my hands normal? Is blood flowing normally? Is shape of my forehead normal? It is increasing day by day. He has been visiting number of doctors since a year. It feels he is taking some psychiatric medicine, but he never shares this with anyone. Since childhood he has phobia for lizards. Nowadays, it is increasing and is affecting his lifestyle. How to get him out of this kind of obsession? Please help.
Ans. For obsessive compulsive disorders both counselling as well as medicine is helpful. Just medicine may not be affective. For every mental illness/ disturbance counselling handles other areas of behavioural dysfunction whereas medicines have a limited role. Both should go parallel to each other.
Q. I am a student of Std 12. I am facing a lot of problems in my home. My younger sister is very noisy and irritating and does not study at all. She constantly fights with my mother and makes excuses to study and shouts a lot whenever told to study. This is affecting her seriously because she recently had an operation and the doctor has advised her to ensure that she does not have high blood pressure. I am very worried about her. Apart from that, my parents often indulge in heated arguments. There is a very big rivalry between my grandmother and mother which is seriously affecting the peace that is normally expected in a family. At the same time I have external pressure to get good results in the exams. How should I deal with these family matters and at the same time carry the burden of my studies? Please guide me.
Ans. The best thing for you to do is to focus on your studies as a priority. The studies are serious in 12th and all your energies may be diverted to it. Join a library or a reading room where you can sit and study after classes since the home atmosphere is not congenial. Let your parents handle your sister and her tantrums for you cannot be a parent to her. You could only be good to her whenever you get some time with her and keep her in good cheer. You could tell your mother and granny that their arguments is disturbing you and may affect your results negatively. Wonder why they cannot control their emotional conflicts and keep the atmosphere healthy. The same thing may be affecting your sister too. Focus on your studies and do not interfere with family matters.
Q. I was in love with some boy. We decided to get married. Since our caste didn’t match, his mother didn’t allow him to get married to me. We belonged to same profession and shared so many things in common. We had a healthy relationship for about 2 years. Now, since it didn’t work out, I got married to business person of my caste. But I am still in love with him. I miss him a lot. I don’t feel secure. He used to protect me like anything. It feels I am cheating on my husband, and it is creating a lot of anxiety in me and affecting my profession.
Ans. This unfortunate story will resolve one day when you settle in for a few more years with your husband and married life. Build a new circle of friends, get to know your husband better, spend more time with him and be devoted to him. You have taken marriage vows and that should mean something to you. Make his family and friends your own and get busy with your new life. Enrich it with hobbies and activities you like. Emotions can always be controlled and marriage is not always about love. It is about responsibility and duties and devotion. It is a commitment about building a stable and strong family. If you have different goals about marriage then that should have been thought of earlier. Give this a good try.