“Stress is an inside thing”- 28 October 2018.
V.N
Q. I am a final year engineering student and I was in relation with a girl from same college for two and half years and was very much attached to her. Things were not going good from January this year to almost June but everything was sorted out but then also she broke up in August saying she didnt want to be a part of realtion anymore and live a single life and said that we would be friends but nothing happened like that. This affected me alot as I was completely attached to her and now also I think of her when seating idle. Please help me maam I dont know what to do and I am dealing with many stress related problems and doctor also said that you are taking too much stress of something and I am not able to concentrate on my studies.
Ans. Stress is mostly an internal thing and less of an external thing. By this I mean stress is caused by how we perceive things and how we manage them. Many things in life will not go according to your wishes and will be contrary to what your expectations in life are. You need to work on your attitudes towards life and your perceptions about things. What has happened to you and the break up of the relationship is certainly undesirable and for you seems traumatic but it can be handled with a calm mind and an acceptance that ‘it has happened’. Resisting the change and the rejection causes more trauma and stress than acceptance of the situation. It is a mindset really. If you allow your life to follow its own path besides the efforts that you make in particular direction, you will be happier. Supposing you think like this, ‘she does not want any personal relationship with me but is willing to be friends with me’ which is her proposal to you. You think of your own stand and take a decision, ‘ I can continue to be friends with her after splitting up, or, I can no longer accept her as a friend after being intimate with her’. Once decided tell her your decision and then again let her decide further. You should never impose on the other your views and decision. This way you allow her to think calmly and rationally and she may make the best choice according to her priorities in life. Come for a session or two if you cannot handle it by yourself.
Q. I am confused about my career in life. I did my engineering for three years and then gave up in frustration. I did not complete my degree and want to start all over again. I am confused between commerce and management and I also like humanities subjects. But what I am confused is what should I choose? My parents are angry and support me too. They are willing to set up a business for me and want me to enrol in a college and take a degree side by side. But my interest lies not in business but other things. Should I come for a career counselling session? Will it help me take a good decision and will it clear my mind a bit? Please tell me if my case is unique and that I am like a crazy person?
Ans. Firstly, no, you are certainly not crazy and yes, we can help you with career guidance. In fact when people do not give an all-rounded thought to choosing the right career, wrong choices are made which prove to be costly in terms of time wasted, money wasted and prestige lost and other psychological losses that accompany a failure. It is important for you to be extra sure that what you are going to choose now will be your perfect destination. There should be good clarity about your future goals, your talents areas and your motivation to achieve them. All three things of having the right attitude, the right aptitude and the right mind-set to pursue a career path are vital for making the correct choice. If someone can help you among family and friends is fine or else you should seek an appointment with us as soon as possible. You certainly cannot afford to experiment with choices at this stage. We wish you all the best.
