“Take a problem solving approach”- 19 October 2014.
Q. I am a regular reader of your columns and today I need your advice. I am a 22 year old student completely in need of your help and advice. I have a lot of problems, but the main problem is my father. My mother is completely fed up with him and his activities whether it is drinking (once or twice in a month or when there’s a quarrel between the two of them), chewing tobacco and using slang. He does not do his own work. In short my mother is facing domestic violence mentally not physically as I stand as a shield for my mother. My mother wants a divorce from him but he does not want to free my mother or me. Also from quite a few days I have seen a change in the attitude of my father towards me. I think he has a bad eye for me which my mother also noticed; hence she does not leave me alone. I have distanced myself from my father. I do not talk to him; just answer a few questions in yes or no. Also my father blindly trusts his mother although we live separately. It took 10-11 years for us to separate from my grandmother. She has troubled me and my mother a lot. All this has affected my studies badly. I have already dropped out for 2 years due to my family problems and I don’t want to continue it now. I want to complete my final year of polytechnic. I suffered a fracture in my right hand too and I was on leave for 1 month, but I am not going to college since then as I have completely lost my confidence & focus. Sometimes I even think of committing suicide but that will make no sense as it would pain my mother even more. I can’t come for counselling as I would have to lie to my father to get money because my mother is a housewife. So please suggest me the appropriate steps to not only free my mother but also to get my studies back on track as I can’t study in such an environment. My mother wants a divorce but her family members [maayka] won’t support her decision and she knows about this. Can we take help of police or an NGO?
Ans. Yes of course you must take the help of your local police station and inform them of domestic violence against your mother. They will record her statement and suggest ways of handling the situation. They will call your father and tell him to behave and also to settle things between him and your mother. They might tell him to grant a divorce and give maintenance money to the family on a monthly basis. They might refer you to the best NGO that will help you. Please do not wait any further.
Q. I am doing MCA in 2013 but not doing job in my field and I am very frustrated about my life i.e., my family doesn’t support for anything all says you are useless and I am feeling tired all time physically and mentally both. Now I am doing job as an accountant, it’s hard to manage myself & all around my things. I am in relationship but we are like just friends. I mean I am unable to control my emotions. Please tell me how to can control my emotions. I hope you will help me!
Ans. Being so qualified you should be able to get a better job for yourself. Try harder and be positive and you will get one. Yes, emotions need to be controlled and you need to be more logical in your approach to life. Always think about how you can solve the problem and handle the situation effectively. Instead of worrying or being depressed or angry, try to think through your problem. A few sessions of counselling will help you to learn the techniques and methods. Please do not hesitate to come.
Q. I am working as an IT professional in Multi-national company based in a city. I am diagnosed with Anxiety and Panic disorder and need your consultation for the same. My native place is Nagpur, so I can visit you personally. I am assured that your consultation will help me because I am reader of your columns and they are very helpful. Please let me know when I can fix an appointment with you so that I can apply for leaves and whether you are available on Sunday’s too.
Ans. You can be helped with counselling and psychotherapy for your problem of anxiety and panic disorder. You can call on any number such as 9657572868 or 0712-2220250 or 0712-2223322 and take an appointment. The clinic is open in the morning hours and evening hours as well. You could suit your dates and timings.