“Take one step at a time”- 5 August 2012
K.V
Q. From the childhood to class X I have got above 90 percent marks in all examinations. In class XII I have got low marks in examination so I never talked to any of the friend till because of guilt that I have not studied well for examination and from which face I should talk to them. One day after the results both of my friend come to my house but I refused to talk to them- means my mother told them I was not in the house. Now both my friends and me got admission in different engineering colleges in Pune that I know but they don’t know in which college I have got admission. In the examination they have got high marks than me and because of this I am feeling hesitation to talk to them but they are my best friends from class 8th. Now I am getting the feeling that will they talk to me or not because they will get more friends in their colleges who got high marks than me. What should I do? Give me some advice.
Ans. This is confusion at its best! You must change your behaviour as soon as possible. You have lost your marks and with this type of behaviour you will lose friends too. Your sense of shame is understandable and your friends will also understand you and your trauma. The best thing to do is to call each of them and apologise for your bad behaviour and explain to them your sense of shock and frustration at your low performance. Tell them you value their friendship very much and would like to maintain good contact with them always. Promise them that you love and adore them as friends and they should forgive you. Inform them about the college where you have taken admission and that you will meet in Pune and keep in touch. A proper detailed expression from you will make them happy and they would love to get back with their lost friend and friendship. Do not worry.
R.J
Q. I have a brother who is 2 years elder than me. He has repeated his 12th 3 times and now he failed B.Com 1st year. I am very much worried about his future. Our financial condition is also not that good. Please suggest me.
Ans. Your brother needs a proper guidance in career planning. He may be choosing the wrong subjects or he may be having some other problem which needs to be identified. He needs to be assessed for his aptitude and his interests and his personality factors before we can help him decide his career. Do not waste more time and bring him for career counselling. His problems can be taken care of easily. Do not delay it further for it will affect his personality negatively.
ADI
Q. I am a person with lots of desire for success and fame in life. My age is 19+ and am a college going girl, engineering student. I just want to make it big and good in life wherever I go and I know very well that I have that potential and I don’t fear hard work for success at all. But in all this I don’t get enough of appreciation from outer world I feel and also have less self esteem. I am not satisfied with any of my achievements like I stood 11th at all India level essay competition still am not satisfied. I make use of all the opportunities around me and also score good rank in competitions. But I am still not happy. Due to all this I don’t enjoy my social as well as family life and I am always in tension and fear of I don’t know what. Please tell me madam, what is happening with me and how to get out of it?
Ans. There could be two areas of concern in your life- one is that you do not seem to have a good supportive network of family and friends. You miss the appreciation and perhaps recognition that everyone needs to continue to do well. If this is true then you will have to devise a method to pat your own back and be happy with your achievements. Also treat yourself with a reward that you like. You could also invite some of your friends for a treat and tell them the reason for the celebration. Second reason could be that you have what we call a ‘fear of failure’. After achieving success you start worrying about the next achievement without enjoying the fruit of the present one. You should change this- first enjoy the success by being happy, celebrating, treating your friends for a few days. Then start working on your next goal. It is great to know that you love success and can work hard for it. Keep that spirit always but also learn to be happy and cheerful with every success. Remember, in life we always take one step at a time to climb the ladder.
