“Take the signs of aggression seriously”- 16 August 2015.

Q. I love the English language or like to paint and draw. My parents forced me to take science and I am in coaching class for JEE main. I am not liking the subjects and have dropped my marks in the class. I feel very depressed and have lost my confidence too. My father will not listen to me but my mother understands my condition. What should I do? Should I take a drop and tell my parents or should I continue. I am totally confused. Please advice.

Ans. You have not mentioned whether you are in 11th or 12th Std. For if you have just joined 11th std you could change your subjects and drop science. If you have progressed to the 12th std then it would be better for you to complete your course and then switch into the stream of your choice. You can discontinue the coaching for JEE entrance and focus on board exams. But before you switch it is important for you to draw a plan of action for your long term career goals. What exactly do you want to do with English language or with painting and drawing is important to understand. There are many choices if you major in language but you need to be sure of your dreams before you pursue them. A session of counselling will help clarify and define your choices.

Q. My son is entering his teens. Recently he has become very aggressive with his friends in class and hurts them with his behaviour. His teacher complained to us and it was a shock. At home he is has been distracted lately and has increased his activities on the net. He does not go out of home much and does not have many friends but he remains irritated and distracted. What could it be? Please tell us what to do. I am very worried about his behaviour. More than his studies his anger at school is making me tense.

Ans. Perhaps you need to keep a check on his activities on the net. Look into his web history and you might get to know the sites he is visiting. I hope your husband will cooperate with you in this matter. He should be taking the lead in fact as a son would listen to his father more than his mother. He may be gaming and if they are aggressive in nature it can affect his temperament. Or else check for sites of porn which he may be seeing which affect teenage students negatively. He has also decreased his social interactions which is also a negative indicator. If you cannot handle him please bring him for counselling as soon as possible.

Q. I am in love with a man since four years. He is promising marriage to me since then but it seems his family is not agreeing. He is trying to convince them but he has not succeeded. When I tell him that I will leave him and marry someone else he starts crying and begs me to stay. I really don’t know what to do. I am also going crazy and losing my patience. My parents are angry with me- they think I am spoiling my life for this guy. I am also worried for my future.  I am getting older and if I continue like this I will not get a partner in my caste. Please advice me –how long should I wait for this man. He is in business and it is a joint family business. I sometimes feel he has no guts and sometimes I feel he is fooling me and not letting me go. Please help me take a decision. I am very depressed now.

Ans. This has now become a common phenomenon. People fall in love, make commitments and then cannot honour them due to whatever reasons. You are right about setting a deadline to waiting for your boyfriend to make his decisions. First decide in your mind as to how many more months or years you can wait, depending upon your age and goals. Then tell him about your deadline, and be firm on that. After that convey it to your parents that you are ready to marry and that they should start the process of selecting a suitable mate for you. Do not be emotional about it, do not bother about his tears and emotions. You will have to take a rational approach to it and act on it too. Once you reach the deadline, just cut off from him totally. Do not budge. Let him handle his life in which way he wants to. Do not be a slave to his or your own emotions. Life is to be lead with a strong head. Prepare for it now.


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