Q. I am a 15 year- old girl, currently in standard tenth. My parents are quite strict when it comes to my studies and I have been consistent with my studies, but they keep demotivating me by saying things like “you’re good for nothing”, “you can never go above average level” etc. I feel suffocated and feel like running away from my home. I don’t feel like sharing anything with them because if and when I do, they end up bad-mouthing about me to everybody around. I don’t feel like doing anything at all. Please help me!
Ans. I can quite understand your dilemma and how de-motivating it can be for you when parents downgrade you and your good efforts. I wonder if they at all understand how it impacts you when they say such un-wanted things. For all you know, they may think, they are actually motivating you by pushing you forward!! Strange are the ways of parents who do not understand emotions and sensitivities. You should talk to them and tell them how you feel when they talk like that. Do not blame them or accuse them, but express your feelings in simple terms. ‘I feel hurt, de-motivated and upset when you say such things’. ‘I feel like running away from home’. You might get a slap for this but it would be worth it.
Q. I have a 15 year- old son, in class tenth right now. He was always good in academics, but nowadays he just doesn’t study. He is always on his phone or roaming around with his friends. Me and his father both have tried everything to make him understand but he just doesn’t listen. I think it is his friend circle which he has developed newly. His old friends were good boys and don’t know what happened between them. He has started back answering and I’m afraid he’ll continue to distance himself from us if we keep scolding him. Can we bring him for a session? Please guide him.
Ans. Of course counselling is the best thing to do. As a neutral person we help him open up his mind and tell his emotional conflicts with friends and the family as well. We provide him a safe space to offload himself and reveal his secrets which helps him de-clutter his mind and become aware of himself. Half the problem is solved there. At most times direct advise does not suit them. They have to find the solutions themselves to suit their specific problems and specific situations. He seems to have broken up with the good circle of boys and entered into an un-favorable group which is distracting him from the good path. He is being defiant and rebellious for some reason. Please call us for an appointment as soon as possible.