Q. My husband is alcoholic. My husband is not understanding me. He beats me daily. I am feeling depressed, I don’t know what to do? He abuses me with bad words, he suspects me too that I am having an affair with other men. He does not allow me to go out anywhere as he checks my movements. I cannot take any decision on my own. He tried to kill me once in very angry mood. What to do? Please advice.
Ans. Your husband is an alcoholic that is like a disease and it appears that it has perhaps progressed to a mental illness as well. He suspects you of having affairs for nothing and beats you up too. He is certainly diseased in the mind too and needs treatment for de-addiction and mental health. Alcoholism is not easy to give up at home and needs hospitalisation for a fortnight. The rehabilitation takes anything from a month to three months in a rehab centre. He would need some medicines for his suspicious nature and also for his aggression that goes out of control. Take him to a psychiatrist for de-addiction treatment and also bring him for counselling if you want to keep him at home and treat him rather than a rehabilitation centre. It is unlikely that he will recover on his own without medical help. That can happen only when he is highly motivated to come clean and healthy.
Q. I have a child who had been diagnosed as psychotic. He is 18 years old and he does not do anything by self. He needs attendance all day. He can throw things whenever he is angry. All family members are disturbed. How to help him and train him and how should we keep our mind cool and balanced.
Ans. Yes, sadly children with psychotic symptoms may need the help of a full-time attendant at home. It does disturb the entire well being of the family and the equilibrium. The best way is to continue the medicines that are prescribed by the psychiatrist and also to take him for regular counselling sessions. He can taught many life skills such as self help, helping others around in the house, doing simple tasks at home and being well behaved socially when guests arrive. He needs training in restraining his aggression and stopping violent behaviour. Meanwhile, the family members should do and say nothing to upset him or obstruct him and be polite to him. Sympathy and empathy will help soften his aggression.
Q. We had a love marriage. He was very nice and good before marriage and after marriage he has changed. It is three years we married. He misbehaves with me and misunderstands me. He does not adjust with me, he does not come close to me and he gets attracted other ladies. I have tried to explain him many times as he says he does not want to stay with me and he wants me to change my nature. My needs are not being met. He keeps telling me that I am not attractive enough. So we fight a lot. I cannot stay with him any longer. Please advice.
Ans. It seems the marriage is heading for a divorce. If your husband misbehaves, misunderstands, does not come close to you and says clearly that he does not want to stay with you, where is the point in continuing the alliance? You may be hoping that he will change like he was earlier before marriage as you said you had a ‘love marriage’. He may change which is always possible but when is the big question? If he does not then you will unnecessarily ruin the best years of your age and youthful life. It may be advisable to quit it and find peace within yourself. But do discuss this at length with a counsellor before you take the final step. There may be many minor and major episodes that need to be looked into for assessing his nature.
Q. I am 19 years old. I am having too much of anger and emotional irritation. It’s just that am unable to be happy. I don’t know what I want I my life. My behaviour has become too arrogant. I just start crying anytime. I can’t bear that someone close to me is judging me wrong. It hurts a lot. I starts thinking of committing suicide or I just hurt myself. I hate myself. I start shouting. I get hyper so quickly that I start behaving like a mad and be so angry that I can’t control myself.
Ans. This is a condition which needs to be taken very seriously by you and your parents. You might need a bit of counselling to help you ease out your mind. Something has upset your peace and makes you angry and irritated. That you are thinking of suicide is very unfortunate indeed and tells of your levels of disturbance. You say that you start crying and shout a lot too. All this could be a sign of depression that is creeping in. Please do not hesitate to come for a consultation. Ask your parents to bring you or if they do not agree you could come by yourself. We can certainly help you sort it out and bring back happiness to your mind. You are only 19 years old. Do not delay.