The Psychology Clinic
Emotions Column – Hitavada Insight – By Rita Aggarwal
ABC (via email)
Q. I am a regular reader of your column. I love a girl so much and she also loves me a lot. We have been in love since past two years but the problem is that now she ignores me and said that “please forget me and all the past”. She doesn’t tell me what is the reason of it. Now she doesn’t attend my phone or reply my messages. All day I am dreaming about her and I can’t concentrate in my studies. Please help me.
Sanjana (via email)
Q. I am a regular reader of your column. Actually my problem is that I was married to a person who was totally fake so the marriage was neither solemnised physically nor mutually. It broke off within a week but rest of world knows that I am married but I am still single. Hope you are getting the point. Now I am out of that bad phase legally and after years I am looking for a partner who can understand me. Please guide me whether it’s ok to tell about my past to the person who will marry me? I am in my late 20’s and working in reputed firm. Kindly guide me.
S.N (via email)
Q. I am in love with a girl but the problem is that she considers me as her brother. Actually I did not have any special feelings for her but slowly it started developing in me and the day she told me that I am like her brother it shattered me. I also think that she likes somebody else. Actually I always think of her and it has started affecting my studies. I want to forget her but can’t whenever I talk to her. Actually I do not fall easily in love and as it was the first time. I don’t know what to do. Please suggest me.
C.U (via email)
Q. I am a mother of four years old daughter and married for 6 years. My hubby is a very good looking person working in government sector. I am an ordinary person with simple looks. After six years of marriage he always feels he could have married to better looking girl. I knew his feelings from the day of our engagement but at that time I was not having courage to tell these things to my parents. But now I need your help to overcome this problem. His behaviour with my daughter and me is nice but when he utters the same thing I am depressed. What shall I do?
Kundan (via email)
Q. Four years ago when I was pursuing D.Ed, I saw a girl who was used to pass by the way just beside my room. Initially I ignored her but later started taking interest. Because of my shyness I never approached her directly but I tried by all other mediums and she also knew all about my affection towards her and about me too. But on my every proposal she kept saying no. I was just in heaven at that time. Meanwhile another fellow proposed her and won her. I felt very sorry about her because I know how that fellow is. He is a roadside Romeo doing nothing good, a drunkard and has flirted with at least 3 to 5 girls till date. Now too he is not going to marry her as he declares in his friends (his and her friends are good friends of mine too so I come to know all about them). They have undergone physical contact many times but I still love her. I had decided to forget her now. She called me to wish me on my birthday and that even after getting denied permission from her boy friend. Now I am feel completely screwed up. I know well one day she will turn back to me. You tell me should I accept her if she does so- should I put efforts to convince her from my side or would it be better to forget her, my friends say she does not deserve my love.
Anonymous
Q. I am a 20 year old boy. I have been having a series of broken friendships from my high school. Each time I had a fight, I was able to move on without much problem. I have been an above-average student in school and did well in my 12th and the entrance exams. I am now in Engineering and it was my pride which led to my first failure in First Year exams. During my first year exam I also happened to reconnect with a friend (a girl) from my school. We were mere acquaintances – batch-mates – when in school. We kind of became the best of friends. She had a boyfriend and I was well aware of it. Every time she had a fight or argument with him she used to turn to me for support. In spite of it I never really developed any kind of romantic feelings for her and was able to be a good friend. Last summer she suddenly told me that she had enough of me and that we should stop being friends. She cited the reason as my rude and sarcastic nature. All this was shocking to me because she kept me under the impression that all’s well in our friendship. That summer I had another failure in my Engineering exam. But the real problem isn’t that of concentrating in studies or the failures as I believe they were my fault and I could have easily gone through the exam. During that period I once had thought of committing suicide. That was it. I and the girl are no longer in touch. Our exams for winter have begun and my first few subjects went really bad. I am in despair as I have given my full strength to studying this time and was pretty confident of not only passing but getting a good score as well. I started feeling that I am a good-for-nothing fellow, a failure in academics, and a loser in relationships. I once again had a thought of suicide. And now I get it every night. The thoughts are getting stronger and they are fast becoming a habit. Please help.
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Priya (via email)
Q. I am in class 10. I have a problem related to ambition of my life. I want to become one among some great peoples known and want to learn and know richness of life as far as I can. But whenever it comes to reality I find that I am all in fantasy. I want to be out of this fantasy and want to bring it as a reality in my life despite knowing that it is not something very easy. I want to be all satisfied with my life before it ends. Please help me.
S.S (via email)
Q. I am B.com final year student. I want to do MBA but I failed in B.Com this year. This is very depressing to me. Every people saying that I can`t do MBA or anything. I am very disturbed. I lost my confidence. I can`t concentrate on my study. I suffer mood swings, do not get enough sleep. Please help me what should I do?
S.N (via email)
Q. I have completed my M.Sc last year. I have tried for job but didn’t’ get one. Now I am working as a research trainee in one of the institute. I am getting married after 2 months. My problem is that I am very unstable and not able to do anything. Am preparing for the NET exam and have just filled the form but I am not studying at all. I gave this exam earlier also but did not clear. I don’t know cooking and my fiancée is fond of eating variety of dishes. All negative thoughts are crawling in me. 1) I think my parents have done a lot for me but I didn’t get a job so I was unable to help them as I belong to poor middle class family. 2) My would- be and in- laws feel that I should clear my net exam do a job and am unable to do all this. I am unable to remember anything which I studied in my previous classes. 3) I plan to cook but when I go home I am so tired and feel so lazy that I don’t cook. All such things make me worried. Every day I make a time table but never follow it. I just keep on postponing things. I always feel very inferior. When I see my classmates doing well in career, cooking I feel very jealous. I am not able to sleep properly so I feel very weak next day. I am suffering from constipation problem also. When I hold anything in my hand I feel as if am not having energy and things will fall. Please help me.